9/1

caribbean windsor had incredible auburn hair. it moved with a life of it's own as it bounced across shoulders, across neck, across back. her lips were always a wet red, full ready for attention as those chestnut eyes blinked back open waiting still waters deep and pure. caribbean was half black, half english with the taut body of a dancer she hangs now out her window...imagine her!
i am excellent, my stomach firm, tight against a black polo legs powerful churning naked underneath the end of shorts as i move from the shadows towards her window where she sits. the moon casts a loving gaze down grazing the white wood frame, grazing the forest green siding, grazing her mocha slim shoulders, those lips and smooth moon face.
'humbert, oh humbert' she calls down.
i race forwards trying to catch her call before the words crash against the lawn shatter and her heart grows cold.
'yes, my love?'
' if only i knew for sure, daddy believes in steven and i believe in you, oh how can we prove to him your good, your right, your the one?'
i hear a throat to be cleared see a form moving from the liquor cabinet towards the glass patio door close to where i stand, stood as i leap in the rose bush, thorns biting into shirt, shorts and skin.
'honey is that you?' called the figure now leaning out thick dark nose hanging right above the spot i bleed.
'yes daddy.' she says.
'who you talking to?'
'ah, just the man of my dreams,' as she said this she blew a kiss across the night sky.
it took all my strength not to erupt from the rose bushes, flower inbetween clenched teeth to ask for her hand.
'that's funny i didn't hear steven pull up.'
the monster! i shook my fist causing the bush to rattle.
'whoo what is that terrible smell?' he said nose moving ever closer to my old spiced skin and clothes.
'oh daddy can't i at least have my dreams?'
'your right darling, lemme go make sure your mom is still having the dreams that feature me!'
the both laughed and in the space of three breaths i could hear his feet climbing the stairs and the bedroom door close.
'let me tell him, let me ask for your hand!' i cried
'not yet,' she said. her long lashes beating the rhythm of my heart.
there was the call of a cat being tread upon. there was a sound of a lone dog bay and then there was this:
'my father has always had a deep admiration for the yodel. it was the one thing that could, can turn his heart...'
'by god, bring him here and let me clear my throat!'
she sucked her teeth then spoke, 'it has to be official, if you could win the blue ribbon at the idaho fair then there would be no way he could deny us.'
the idaho fair. ever since it's inception the fair has brought together the best and the brightest for competition. there was my second place in the wing contest, pie contest and turkey call. why before i could walk i had been in competition, and ever since i began i had always been the bridesmaid and never the bride. while this year i had been training for the wood crafting ribbon and an outside shot at the cow milking event i now had another to add to my plate.
as the moon bare eyed us i made an oath.
'for you, for us, for love itself i will win that yodeling competition and your dads heart! now blow me a kiss for i have to practice.'
our fingers almost touched as she reached down to let the kiss fall lightly from her fingers. i grasped it, smothered it against my lips for a full twenty seconds i rolled around hold it ever tighter until my tongue had sufficiently slathered the inside of my palm.
no american could just leap into a yodeling competition and no man could just leap into the state fair quality of competitors, so i was off to see the only man who could help the german bear.
it was a terrible shack of a home, raccoons littered the front porch like drunken sailors at the pier. the bear's wife had placed a fresh pie against the window sill so it was her who saw me come running as she eyed pie to raccoons to field.
'humbert's a coming!' she cried as her hands clasped together. why in her heart there was joy for it could mean my mind had finally allowed the sunlight of her daughter's smile into my heart. luanne the bear's daughter was more man than woman. she stood a good 6'4" barefoot, could outrun any man in town and once (legend told) knocked a horse cold while it came barreling full speed towards her. luanne kept her hair tied back so tight that it pulled her skin causing her eyes to appear asian and her mouth to always hold a smile. she had no bosom's to speak of but would wear low cut tops and purple eyeliner with no lipstick. in a family of singers she could hold no note but did have talent with her hands. the shack was built by her father, while the daughter built a beautiful three bedroom ranch next door. the german bear would not move into the house out of shame.
so it was into the shed i came a running.
'bear, for love i must yodel,' i panted.
he stood before the fire, national team singlet covering a still lithe body. the man had wrestled for the majority of his life. when the bear was not yodeling or wrestling he was a boy scout to the point that he was an eagle scout and would always point out that only eagle scouts had walked on the moon.
'you are not moon.' he growled and began to pace the floor.
'what?' said i.
'only eagle scout been to moon, and if a man an eagle scout can get to the moon i figure that more difficult than teach you to yodel.'
this was good, but nothing is free in life. so as the moon, that had cast a tender light upon caribbean on one side of town cast down an angry eye while the bear paced. it was well known that in order to be taught by the bear one must first survive his attack. what age had taken in hair and physique it made up for with power. the german bear was five seven, a concrete block of a man with blonde hair kept clean. he would snap his singlet so that you could see the boy scout symbol tattoo on his back.
i smelled the pie and heard the laughter of a raccoon as i met the ground and he was upon me. there was the power of the arm across neck pulling closed my airway. i could feel the strain in my knee as he brought my foot across my back to meet my neck and finally there was warmth as he pressure pointed my arm pit causing my pants to go wet.
'give him the suitcase!' cried his wife
'no no only test no match,' came the response.
as if a storm had cast a mighty wind there came a dark cloud across the room and soon enough the weight had been lifted. i hacked, turned caught my breath as luanne had her father in the camel's back.
'not this too,' he called out with wet eyes.
soon we were both free men. soon we were both standing. soon we both held a slice of pie and after that we were singing.
steven moved like a villain, thought like a villain and even though all could be a summer's day in a gentle ponded meadow there he clung behind a tree casting a dark shadow.
it was during our third hour of practice that a text came to my phone.
'i need your letterman's jacket asap! xoxo car.'
while it was true i had been a superior athlete and earned many letters, that my letterman jacket not only had my last name, had the symbols for the sports and academics i had mastered it is also true that i did not have my lettermans jacket. the foolishness of first loves. it was during this time that i gave my jacket to my highschool sweet heart tootie and soon after abandoned her for another long legged majestic blonde suzy. it is true that the bruce's family motto is 'never look back, always forwards' so it is true that tootie was left holding the jacket while i ascended greater mountain tops.
'why?' i wrote back.
'steven has offered to let me wear his jacket while he and his barbershop quartet perform at the fair. my father was pleased, my father thinks it's very sweet for a gentleman to let his favorite girl wear his jacket. xoxo car.'
'but we haven't been in highschool for years.' i wrote and perspired while aiming for 'do ye do li do do do the deer'.
'you know my dad. please for me, can you dig it up? xoxo car.'
'anything for you,' i wrote back.
that night until the dawn broke i practiced. the german bear growled that he had never had such a student, 'by god what we could do with a month of practice...the idaho state auditorium, new york city, why even famed london! you must come back and complete the training.'
''thank you bear, thank i will.'
there was only one man who still knew where tootie lived, one man who could get the information we needed...slim the croation.
slim was slim thin as smoke in a top hat that covered his raven black hair. slim came and went with magic. he would throw flash paper and be gone or he would descend from thin air above your head. while discussing matters he took to pulling rabbits from his hat or quarters from your ear. if the discussion turned to energetic he would take to pacing swallowing swords or torches of flame. slim was a magician, an information man and a breeder of hens. it was with him that i talked now.
'you really think she'll hand it over so easy? after all these years?' he said tossing a dove from his sleeve.
'i have to try,' i said while ducking the flapping bird.
'i can give you the information but your going to need back up. she lives with a man, franklin the pipe bender, i am sure you need no introduction, and if you go alone you might as well send an obit to the paper.'
franklin the pipe bender had been a dear friend. it was only after he started dating tootie, after things got serious that he turned. he was a man of many passions, one a heart that loved too dear and the other defending and revenging those that he loved or had done his loved ones wrong.
it should be stated that i never did a thing wrong. that i left as well as one could leave when someone is threatening suicide and lying on the floor. it should also be stated that legend had it tootie had worn that jacket everyday that warranted wearing a jacket that heavy since my departure.
'who do di doo li whoo who whoo who would dear such an adventure?' i asked.
slim threw two cards into the air as they transformed into two goldfish that fell into a waiting bowl he smiled.
we did not walk so much as creep towards tootie's front door. the bear had placed a thin jogging jacket over his wrestling singlet while slim was contained in a small ring of fire. i meanwhile had not been home since last night so was still in the same outift.
the house was very quaint. a two story white washed home in the suburb with two matching suvs in the driveway. both cars had vanity plates one that said 'pip bndn' the other 'ms. bndn'
this was a surprise. had slim depended on faulty information and the bender and tootie become one?
'what do you make of that,' i said.
slim waved his hand until a pair of reading glasses fell out, placing them on his thin pale face he said, 'merely symbolic neither attend church or believe in marriage.'
this was true, ever since we had started dating tootie always told me of her anti marriage stance.
taking a deep breath we found ourselves at the door i rang the door bell. the german bear began to pace in a circle rotating his arms getting warm, getting loose while slim began to throw thunderbolts towards the concrete.
the door opened to a little boy.
'hello?' came the voice.
'is tootie here?'
without further information the boy called, 'mom!'
there was a rattle inside and then the door moved. there she was after all these years, her soft round features matured her slightly plump body curved into womanhood, a real stunner.
'hi?'
'yeah, hi tootie, it's me uh humbert, yeah i know it's been a long time...'
'oh, humbert how are you doing? oh my god what a surprise, what brings you here?'
'this may sound stupid but my mom just died and i had always wanted to bury her with my lettermans jacket and i wondered, i mean i know it's been a long time and i would totally understand if you...'
here she rubbed her chin stared up out over us around us to us and then spoke.
'no fine, great yeah, i think i have it up in the attic...sorry to hear about your loss, she was always such a nice lady. are you guys hungry?'
if tootie had only matured into her looks she would have been set for life, she would be placed at the top of mount desirable but when you included her ability to cook...she was perfect. franklin was one lucky man. we watched as her children performed shakespere, we cried as romeo lay before juliet as the juice from the steaks dribbled down our lips.
i called bravo to actor and chef with a half chewed corn cob clung to my hand. the german bear fell to his knees over the chocolate cake and slim produced a rainbow over the fresh ceaser salad and kalamata bread. by god, when thinking of that meal all these days later my stomach still calls out, and the tears sprout from my eyes.
as we shook hands and departed, as i gave a quick hug and departed with the jacket in toe, i felt as if a friendship had been made. if i was the type of person who could look back i would not mind coming again for lunch or any other meal. it was too bad that tootie ended up going mad, being found shovel in tow digging up fresh graves in every cemetery in boise proper calling out 'my jacket, oh my sweet jacket.'
it was back home resting my vocal chords that the text came, 'tonight's the night, oh my love we shall prevail xoxo car.'
while trying on the jacket and looking in the mirror i thought of all it had been through. running my fingers across the body and inside across the fleece i came across a secret pocket. a pocket i had made myself so long ago. inside that pocket was a note, long forgotten or never known.
'dear humbert:
for so long i have admired you, yet been too shy to say. so know, on this last day of school i decided to sneak this note. i know we have spent most of our time together as friends, but i feel in my heart something stir, that there is something more there. i feel inside me a hole that only you can fill, i dream i dream and i see us together. oh humbert, i hope you find this, oh humbert i hope i can wait, oh humbert i hope i am not a fool.
fare joannis'
there came a great warmth in my chest. i leapt to my feet and paced the floor. fare had always held a smile for me, she came to hold my while i was down, it was with fare that i drove through the city side day dreaming about what's to come. i still remember the day that she left for australia. a summer away. she fell behind and was lost.
my heart pounded texts went unanswered as i turned the note over and over in my hand.
in the end it took thirteen seconds to find her on facebook. by god what a stunner. in the end she had been in a realtionship, life had taken her across many states only to bring her back again. in the end we met over coffee and in the end it took care of itself.
though i still yodel from time to time it is mostly to impress my wife...fare bruce. i have no blue ribbons but still fill like the biggest winner of them all.
i remember our wedding the german bear at my side, holding the candle while slim sat in back causing rice to rain as we made our way through the aisles.
sometimes life is more than a motto, and someday when i have a son i will tell him, a man in full is a man that can admire where he's been without forgetting where he is going.

*an addendum
shortly after finishing this last sentence humbert was clubbed by franklin the pipe bender. at first i was angry, but after hearing the story, how he had caused tootie to go mad and leave franklin to raise two children my heart softened. in three days we are going to celebrate our fifth anniversary. in two weeks i am going to have a son, humbert franklin. named for the man that brought us together.
one day he may wake from his coma, one day he may come to read this. one day he will understand.
one day tootie may come to her senses.
one day i may win powerball.
i just wouldn't hold my breath.