8/19

the morning broke. i stretched did my morning constitutions and had a rather satisfying conversation with ted e bear hamster and friend. the peace was soon broken by the loud thud of my father fainting.
the family gathered around as his eyes fluttered open and his lips mouthed the words 'the end.'
my mother could not sing, nor explain for she had no voice! through a violent flutter of hand gestures she tried to explain but it was lost.
it was here that the stomach growled causing all to pause and reminding us we have another champion. i strutted about the room in my green lantern underoos raising extending my arm and bringing my hand to my mouth so as to warm up the muscles for the big day ahead. as the crowd turned from my father, slowly rising, to me prancing that the words came 'there is another!' to which the stomach did not growl but roared, causing blinds to tremble and dishes to rattle.
it was an hour of dressing and breakfast. there was little talk of the events to come as we piled into the car and headed towards the fair grounds.
my god it was breath taking. from the rows of hot air balloons to the smell of pork and corn. vendors shouted from every cart and the ferris wheel played it's happy song. i swear men were falling two at a time in front of their lovers to propose. if there is a heaven it must be the fair ground, where clowns juggled balloons and men with ringed faces swallowed swords to flame. it was a place where you could go from cotton candy to watching the lion stalk his iron cage. there was the crack of the whip and the elephant's bellow.
all the people, why all of boise was in attendance to play the games eat the caramel potatoes and listen to my mother's song. as we made our way through the entrance the crowd parted formed to lines and applauded her, shouts of maestro filled the air. we walked the line catching roses as she autographed pictures all the way to the stage where a lone microphone stood before a curtain where the dj would play her instrumentals.
it was my father who spoke, face covered in smoke to hide the red wet eyes and their tears.
'her voice is gone! all hope lost, save our son who will take part in the pie eating contest.'
the crowd gasped, a bird fell from the sky and more than a few small children were overcome with tears. as i stepped forward to acknowledge them, there came the shouts 'he's too young!' 'my god this is torture!' but not everyone was scared. there amongst the throng of the mob was the sweet blue eyes of an angel, jill cast her gaze upon me and mouthed the words 'i believe' while my knees shook from the power of love the arm pulled the mic to my stomach, 'i will fight and i will win!' bellowed out across the crowd.
while i sat in the trailer awaiting the call i took in the competitors, the mountain was consuming a twelve piece from the local chicken joint vendor while hillbilly prefered a whole goat. their steely gaze fixed upon the empty table where we would meet. while they ate i preferred to practice stomach stretching breathing techniques.
outside was a different story. the crowd had gathered and conferred that they would award a monetary prize, equal to the singing prize for the best free throw shooter (it should be noted that my brother still holds the title as idaho's greatest basketball talent).
it came down to the wire, my brother and blind jim. it appeared that my brother was a shoo in until blind jim's daughter, the gorgeous wilma sue, called to our hero and whispered a sweet nothing that ended up changing the event towards blind jim. what happened i cannot say, though my brother told me later it was worth every penny.
next the crowd gathered saying they would have a smoke off, with the winner receiving a prize equal to that of the singing and freethrow prize. my father would have easily won this contest if he had not of reminded himself of a funny joke and was lost to a coughing fit.
after the smoke off there was screaming match. my sister fell to kelly cambell her best friend, but most assuredly a better screamer in pitch and content. she could curse a rainy day blue.
in a final act of desperation the town wanted to award my mother a lifetime achievement award but was turned down because, 'the bruce's earn their pay.'
then there was one. we arrived sat and the bell sounded. now i can not recall any of the competition. when the bell sounded my stomach took over, all power to any non pie eating faculty was shut off. it was recounted to me, later, by jill under the sweet hearts bridge, that there was no hope...for the others! i attacked with a fury unseen outside the piranha family, buzzing through tin after tin. first to fall was the hillbilly and when he did i began to consume not just my pies but his this caused the mountain to scream 'i've seen the devil and he loves the pie!' before falling to the ground in a ball. now, alone i continued ten more minutes of solo pie eating in all three places. i only stopped because my father grabbed me and pulled me from the table. the crowd rose to their feet applauding, screaming hollering 'all hail the king!'
in a spontaneous act of respect for the accomplishment all the vendors served their dishes with a small slice of pie.
the events at that table caused the hillbilly to retire from the fair scene and the mountain to retire to the psychiatric hospital. his hair said to have gone white and the only words to pass his lips 'i seen the devil and he sure likes pie'
for all the joy in the crowd the surest most exuberant person was the loan officer from the bank. it was him who stood in atop the medal stand, him who collected the check and him who cackled 'until next we meet, bruce's' before disappearing into a puff of smoke.
it was under the sweet heart tree, after my victory, that jill told this to me and i know it was true because it was sealed with a kiss.
the birds sang and the belly gurgled and there was no storm clouds in sight.