8/29-comedian

this is not funny. on the table i have placed two bottles of low quality vodka, one prescription bottle of pain killers, an empty liter sized water bottle that stinks of gasoline and one lighter. there is a tape recorder on the floor recording what i am saying, who knows what i would recall in ten minutes, two hours, three days after the decision has been made. my head is soaked with the gasoline from the bottle and in my hand is the potato sack i have been wearing for the majority of my life. this is not funny. tomorrow night is my big break, late night television, after my set maybe a call over to the couch. tomorrow night the big reveal, the liar exposed. this is not funny at all.
i started late, in the back room of portland clubs. there are only two places for comedy in this town, one with a traveling improve group 'smilin' and the other at 'harry's' where you aspire to open for national road acts...
--i grew up in idaho, where men were men and women looked like them. boise, idaho the state capital, the center of where nobody wanted to be. seriously how did we come to settle there? exhaustion? did parents get into a fight, 'oh yeah, well if you don't like it you can stay here, how about that?' or was it the donner party. once you learn that you might have to eat somebody just to get over the mountains...yeah i think i would stay. the other thing you always read is the danger of indians. i always thought about that, how some tough indian braves are creeping through the snowy bushes, they got their knives drawn and are just about to scalp rick donner or whatever his name is, only to pop out and see him eating his wife. do you kill that guy? i think i walk away. if a guy can eat his best friend, his best friend's family and his own family? you can't fight him, well you could fight him, but he isn't going to lose. you kill him he thinks, 'i probably deserved that', you don't kill him your going to be eaten. it's one thing to fight have a fair fight to the death and your body left to the animals but another when you know you lose your getting eaten. damn, that's gangster.
somebody walks in on you, an your eating your family...first off how is this guy so important that he gets to eat everybody and second you know death is terrible when you would rather eat your kids and wife instead of dying.
so somebody walks in what do you say? what can you say? i think i keep eating, either that or offer them some, i mean your pretty much committed at that point.
my ancestors did not have the guts to eat each other so we ended up in idaho. well they ended up in denmark, north carolina and kansas, my parents met in medford and decided on boise, i have never asked why. there is this great american theory that anyone from any city in any state us could grow up and become anything. that's a great idea but we can knock a few states off from the list. i wanted to be president but the only debate, the town felt, worth having was whether the weather would stay 'god damned hot all summer' or 'so god damned cold until march'. these are not the weighty topics of heads of state.
when the internet came around, i thought this could be the great unifier of the nation, but one visit to a chat room dampened that notion. though there was not a great conversation about health care or poverty it did spawn the question of why are fighting so hard in iraq. from what i gathered, going to chat rooms, all the iraqis want to do is masturbate on camera and ask any one with a non-gender specific name if they want to watch...
but we are getting off course here, now where were we going?

2-a small child with hopes dreams and one bad leg.