i closed my eyes at midnight after getting sucked in by this travolta movie...okay maybe the bottle of red wine did not help...okay let's be honest here, for a limited time i have all the movie channels at my disposal. so i started with gran torino which was very good, then this damn movie comes on another channel so i am hooked.
anyway here i am sleeping until four in the morning when my son starts crying. i discover that he wants to drink some milk. fine. after the milk all seemed good. ten minutes later he is crying again, this time it is teething.
teething is a terrible, seemingly endless torture. quick, run your fingers along your teeth and imagine that each one has to erupt from your gum, tear a hole in your gum line and slowly descend. worse than water boarding, i am sure.
thank god your brain does not start recording your life until three or four. so if anybody tells you they can remember things that happen to them at two, come on they are just flat out liars, like the person who knows who you are but tries to act like they don't or don't remember your name when you can see they clearly do. what the hell is that about?
so i am up at four, my son's teething wakes up his sister who wakes up the wife who has to feed the baby. so now, after all that it is almost six and while they have been asleep a good hour i am still here reading internet articles and getting that itch on your head and skin when you haven't gotten enough sleep.
i can't write anymore. there use to be a class, a real talent that rushed from somewhere deep inside and out the fingers. now i just slam the keys about, abusing them and sucking my teeth. there is too much that rushes forth drowns itself collapses thoughts into mud pools of fifteen ideas all drowning on one another.
i forget how to create proper sentences and paragraphs
i forget about words i should know, their meaning and use them in odd places. my sentences are to herky jerky, too long or abrupt. it seems the train i should have caught to fame and fortune has passed me by. now i work at the station as a bag checker and am slowly driven mad by the ideas i can not write.
you see it's a lot like cooking you have to practice. but long ago some lady kicked the shit out of me and salted the earth where my hopes grew. now i may be too old to go back and plow the sucker till the soil and try to bring back a healthy garden.
i curse my paycheck and house i curse at my flab belly and old man creaks i curse that i have no days off but when i do get a day off i curse everything i am around for the inability to fix it. the christmas tree is dying on the porch, what the hell i am supposed to do with that? i don't have the time to take it somewhere and i am sure the neighbors are gossiping about it, about how i use to mow the lawn and rake the leaves but now it lays in disrepair. i hear people and they say 'oh it's winter nobody expects you to do such things,' but i know they are lying. they don't want me to do it because it would put pressure on them to do something.
i should shop alone. i want final say. i want to go to bananna republic and buy a full new wardrobe but what the hell with only one day off and nowhere to go how much am i actually going to wear? secretly i want to always look good enough to have the option of finding a new woman. see that way it keeps her on her toes. she thinks other ladies are looking at me as a viable option then she won't go the way of frozen dinners and abstinence.
i am not happy with obama. i am not happy with the shit style of the health bill. it has no balls. i am not happy with the lack of jobs. if the republicans can find a half decent non lunatic to run i may be interested. i wish clinton would run. she has the guts to make a stand.
how can you send a bunch of young kids off to the mountains to die for something that isn't there? shame on him for that.
well it's not only national, portland should have a blood letting as well. i hear chris dudley is running for gov. really? come on. how can we vote for a guy to fix our problems when he couldn't solve his freethrow shooting?
thinking of the blazers let's get real. alderidge stinks for this team and is in a got's to go situation. pritchard built this team that has too many tires and not enough doors so he has to go. oden should demand a trade because the team can't keep his body healthy, and the fact that the training staff is still employed would bother me if i was a player. i should also add that c frye's success in phx is another reason pritchard should be let go.
think about this, if the oregon ducks would have gone undefeated they would still have been playing in the rosebowl against OSU. what does that mean? it means that kelly should only be measured by pac 10 titles. the winner and loser get the same check from the bowl commission and if there is no championship title chance than who cares if the ducks ever win a bowl game?
oh yeah, beaver fans should not be happy that their coach is happy with status quo. riley only has to make a bowl game to get a year added to his contract? that's redonkulous. i wonder if those low standards also apply to the admissions board?
as it moves towards 6 20 i am running out of steam.
i was so angry with fat rich white old suckers talking about the ownership of christianity that i made a shirt that strikes fear into the better than thou christian phoney sing along new age monster church bastards. www.socialismischristian.com i wear the shirt and feel vindicated by the power it exudes and the look on their jerk faces. eat it.
as my final flickers of anger burn out...
clear wireless sucks the big one.
peace out.
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