debra is a stunning woman. she was a dark brunette with olive skin and a slender hour glass frame. debra is a stunning beauty with her streaked gray hair, with her still slender frame and olive skin her eyes wide and doe like. she is a bargain hunter after a life on one income she can find the deal beyond the deal using coupon with clearance with end of quarter readjustments. debra is strong, honest and loving. a lion pacing the floor always aware always tendering to her cubs.
now is the time of our second act. now is the breeze through the reading room once kids bedroom. now is the long walks or the sailing trips. now is the dreams we had for all these things lay ruined.
the first time was the grocery store. she was gone for hours. can you imagine being struck dumb, alone pushing a cart full of food? when one is lost, you either scream for your guardian to find you to hold you make you feel secure or you follow the other people around.
debra, they told me, wandered about until the ice cream began to melt, to leave tracks atop the linoleum floor. they told me it was a mexican grandma who began to watch her, who began to follow her and who began to recognize the similarities to her husband.
i am watching the game when the phone rings.
it has been two hours and i have forgotten to worry.
they found our number on the check book. they tell me to come collect her. when i arrive she is sitting cross legged on a bench near the bathroom. she is beautiful there, like an immigrant innocent, confused trying to understand it all.
she sees me and squints as walk towards her. she sees me at first there is no flash of recognition. she sees me and keeps watching because i am smiling, because i am heading towards her. i try not to rush so as not to frighten her but i am scared. soon i am walking fast, soon i am running towards her. debra's body, my wife of thirty five years, her body goes tense when i hold her. she does not scream or fight but i can feel the muscles contract. i do not know what to make of it.
'i love you, are you okay?' i ask.
i hold her and breath through her hair, silver brown strands filling my mouth.
'what happened?' i want to know.
i grasp her tight her neck stiff against my shoulder. we are there for two minutes. she begins to loose, like cold clay slowly becoming more malleable. her arms begin to wrap about my waist her head finds a place on my shoulder.
'you...' she starts.
i am scared. i am grateful. i am lost for what to do so i begin to hum our wedding song and we dance.
the noise of this place fades. the rush of the wheels and feet mute. we spin in our small slow circle as i close my eyes hoping this was a one time thing. i close my eyes and try to force the word out of my mind. the old woman who watched her, the old woman who found her phone and check book to call. the old woman in her drab house dress and pulled tight silver hair. the weathered faced old mexican woman who did not blink when she talked of her husband. this old woman who said something i will not allow myself to say. not yet, not now not to us.
'i love you' i say as we spin.
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