good evening ladies and gentlemen. well i am supposing that for you, for me it has been a shit evening. yes i have a sack covering my face. i dream of one day using a nice lace or silk head piece like those ladies in the middle east, but for now i am too poor and even this had to be fished from the dumpster. so now, my neighbors, think it funny to holler out, 'you stink like your act!' when i walk by.
i can't think anymore. i use to have long monologues about how the trees leaned or long meditations on the idea our always are always staring. matter of fact i was not able to sleep for three days because all i could think of was that my eyes were not shut just staring at the back of my eyelids. our body is fascinating. the constant things we forget. do you remember that you are breathing? or that your heart is pumping? or that even the prettiest girl you see has a place on her body where shit comes from? bizarre.
i use to have a lot of thoughts. i don't know if this is true with you, but now when i try to think all i hear are sports updates and television shows. someone screaming the president is failing the country is dying, someone screaming the last president failed and the country would have died saved the new guy.
when i try to imagine, i don't see aliens with huge faces and long pointy fingers waving hello from masterpiece spaceships before they blast off to whatever galaxy they come from. instead i see fat pigs sweating it out in the gym. i see a bunch of television actors in situations where they are all trying to be witty.
oh the life of the television show. we stand around like nothing bothers us and we out smirk each other while having a menial job that somehow pays a million dollars a year. that or we are every day in some unbearable drama our best friend has overdosed while screwing our spouse! or the neighborhood macho man has come to put my marriage in question while my husband suffers from cancer or my kid is handicapped.
the extremities of so called life, am i right?
i don't remember any of these things.
i can recall the bills come due and not having the money for that and food so i chose food and stuffed the bills until next month. i can recall the car not starting so my dad has to take the bus to work.
there are these magazine articles, newspaper articles and television reports about how television and movie stars are out of touch, how politicians are out of touch. well if your life is a fantasy and some point you begin to believe it.
i have always wondered about actors. i have always wondered if they are nothing. if they can become characters because there is no there there to stop the growth. is today's cinema star really a bore who can thrill you as spartacus because he has no character of his own to bleed through?
i think what it comes down to, right, like those jerks that come on and talk about the mysteries of religion as if they have the answers! ha! two thousand years and suddenly they were inspired with the truth that you can obtain in a book or movie series. this is is a side track but one moment. how can you trust anybody to lead you in faith that has so many material things? that has a church built of the finest things? a desert faith practice in the dirt seems a little whored out in the american palaces of more preached from two thousand dollar suits or sang from a twenty thousand dollar sound system.
off track and my time is running low, but what i think it comes down to is that life is survivable. it is not hard, it is not easy but just a disease we live with. go pursue your dreams or stay in your rut or do what ever there are no other answers but what your working on and if times seem to tough to bear pass gas, that always seems to make me laugh.
good night.
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